Monday, December 31, 2007
today is the last day of the yr. this yr has been a really bad 1 for me. i experienced stress for the first time in my life. alot of bad things happened and not alot of good things happened. i had my life's worst birthday and i m in the worst class in the whole college of over a thousand ppl. damn. i took time to evaluate myself thruout this yr and i realised tat i had matured and changed thruout this yr. those stressful studies made me become a more quiet and dao person, those bad things tat happened moulded me into a better person( although some of the bad things tat happened have no help in my life at all other than make me sad). this yr i really have nothing to thank God for la. this yr has been kinda bad. wad i could really thank God for, is his presence when i needed him. sometimes when he isnt there, his comfort is there. He is always there for me. i really hope this yr can pass asap so that i can have a new yr a new chapter to begin. i hope next yr would be a great 1 and next yr i could be a bright shining star for Jesus.
THE ROCKER SHREDS. has posted on
3:44 PM
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Sunday, December 30, 2007
pressure, stress, expectations. all pressing on me. i damn choked up. i gonna explode already man. under so much pressure, i still gonna go and take care of others and help others with their problems. haiz. today i got back my letter i wrote to myself 2 yrs ago. inside there is my gratitude towards God and my dreams tat i wan to achieve this yr, none was fulfiled. i was damn emo after i read my letter. after tat my shepherd read my letter and he somehow rebuked me saying that if u wanna live your dreams, u gotta live God's dreams first. i did nothing wrong by dreaming all these and he kinda say tat i will nvr achieve it unless i follow GOd's dreams. since when i DIDNT FOLLOW GOD'S DREAM! WTH. i went to the toilet, read it once again, and i flushed it down the toilet. since i didnt achieve anything in tat letter, y keep it? i didnt worship properly during svc as my heart was keep thinking abt the incident. i was rather sians during svc. alot of things r weighing on my heart and i really got no1 to turn to for help. i really couldnt pay attention to God and the svc today, i really couldnt, the letter incident, my fren dad died in a tragic way, the ' H' incident, all hit me, i really couldnt bring myself to worship properly without all these things clouding my attention.
Man, i m gonna end 2007 lyk tat? haiz. wad really sianed me today the most was my fren's dad who died in a car accident a few days ago. he died damn tragically and he is a committed christian who loves God lyk David in the bible. so r christians gonna died tragically??? he is the sole breadwinner of the household and God took him back to heaven in the time where the family nid him most? Is his work really done on earth?? i was kinda angry with God, i really wanted an answer, but i didnt got 1. haiz. may God bless his soul.
THE ROCKER SHREDS. has posted on
1:06 AM
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Sunday, December 23, 2007
today was christmas svc. i didnt really enjoy myself well cos i was ushering. den i went for the christmas party at sentosa, it was crap as well. i was so bored by it. most of my prayers today aint fulfiled. i dunno y. is it i no faith or wad. WAD HAPPEN GOD! haiz. nvm, not blaming anyone, jus don understand y. sherman didnt got better from his emoness. i was quite guilty. i didnt spend much time with him and i kinda neglected him jus now at the party. sians... den he went off on his own. ARGH. he wasnt really touched by the svc. totall opposite of wad i prayed. the christmas party wasnt really fun, the food was average and it wasnt really alot. it is not worth my 16bucks man. the standard of this church is getting from bad to worse. haiz...
i had a great chat with SANDY, i finally able to pour out my deepest feelings and sorrow to someone. i really nid someone to talk to. someone who would understand and give me the ans i wanna hear. she told me new findings and i was kinda devasted by them. but haiz. i was so sure. tat is the main point. i wouldnt be so sad if i wasnt so sure. DAMN IT!
THE ROCKER SHREDS. has posted on
1:05 AM
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Friday, December 21, 2007
wow.. a week has gone and sch is drawing closer and closer. i dunno whether i m prepared for J2 life man. somehow i think it is gonna be a breeze but a voice in my head says it is not gonna be. christmas is around the corner and i can feel the festive atmosphere in here.i m also getting ready for this festive season to celebrate. i went to the best christmas party i ever been organised by jessica and her parent. it was a wonderful nite for food and fun. it was so great.the food was plenty and the food was marvellous. the gift exchange was great too. it was overall great. christmas svc is also coming lyk tml? but somehow i cant invite someone down for christmas. most of them are either going to some other churches or they have some family thingy going on. anyway the wait is worth it. i finally BOUGHT MY DRUMS. it was a better model den the one i wanted. and my parent r willing to subsides me quite a fair amount. i m glad i had waiting and didnt place an order tat time on an impluse.it was great man. i noe God is trying to teach me a lesson which i shall not elaborate here.
the BGR incident still left a deep cut on my heart. but it is getting better day by day. iseriously hope someday good things woudl happen. i shall not talk much about this. my BRO IS IN TROUBLE GOTTA HELP HIM NOW.
THE ROCKER SHREDS. has posted on
10:41 PM
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Wednesday, December 19, 2007
i m so bored tat i have to come and blog man.OMG. i miss those working days tat i could have at least something to do and get some cash. but now i m too too bored. nothing to at all. i only have the computer and tv as my source of entertainment. my drums haven come yet and i had sold my guitar. OMG GONNA BE BORED TO DEATH!!! but i got a really good rest this week. finally thru all the whole yr i finally can slack for abit. HAHA. its been almost a week since the day i known the truth. i still have problems getting over the whole incident. i m really disappointed in her man. how could she do such a thing!haiz. i guess i was jus dreaming all these while. since the beginining i knew there was something different abt her to me. as we got closer and closer, i was so sure, so sure that she would my wife in the future, but she went and had a BF. i was so heartbroken and disappointed man. i really couldnt get back on my feet lyk tat. i tried to divert my attention from this, but i just cant do it. haiz. what is yours, is yours, it can never be taken away from you. tats all i can hold on to. but i m not very positive abt this whole thing. wad i can only do is hope and pray. any actions taken would lead to further heartbreaks and more troubles. i cant do anything man. NOT AT ALL. haiz.
THE ROCKER SHREDS. has posted on
11:01 PM
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Sunday, December 16, 2007
today i got to noe more abt our unit has alot of bgr. now i noe y we didnt grow. we aint purified. COME ON!!!! in a unit having more than 5 couples is really too much. a unit is at least 15 ppl. so it is lyk 1/3 of the ppl BGRing. WTH!!!!!! i really feel burden. i tot i was incompetent and useless, but no, it was the ppl's hearts. they r not ready to receive, to be transform. In camp i wasnt really ready, but during today's svc i think i receive more than wad i received from the 4 days of camp. i teared and i really received something great from God. my life from today onwards aint gonna be the same again. wad is so great abt BGR??? those hugs? comfortable but not satifying.having sex???? i noe wad is lyk. after sex u would feel guilty? the company??? jus the two of u under the coconut tree veyr fun meh? acutally wad i m really sad abt is that ******* is also part of this filth. i m really disappointed and sad abt it. i cant believe it man. the woman i love so much and seriously tot could become my real wife in future already has a bf? i m really devasted and upset abt it. maybe she isnt my wife after all. all these while i had been just a naive little idiot. i m so so stupid. i guess, i chose the wrong girl. i seriously heartbroken when i noe all these. very very heartbroken. perhaps she aint mine at all in the first place.
THE ROCKER SHREDS. has posted on
1:51 AM
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Friday, December 14, 2007
i guess i didnt do anything for the cg at all.
THE ROCKER SHREDS. has posted on
1:50 AM
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Thursday, December 13, 2007
woah!!! just ended camp and just woken up from a very very long slp. well obviously i m gonna blog abt this camp since i had been doing nothing but camping for the last few days.hahaha.
this camp has been a rather boring and bad camp. to me this camp is one of the worst camp i ever attended. maybe it is kinda last min prepared by the camp com. i didnt really have fun in the camp, my camp objectives arent really met at all, i didnt got a personal touch from God. however, during the last nite, somehow most of my camp objectives are met in just a click. God didnt made a transformation in my life, but He did in Kester's life. and tat was my first step in rebuilting PJC. u think Kester would outta the blue come for camp and be ready to be touched by God? i doubt so. without my encouragement and challenge and excitiment, i don think he will be tat changed. i can tell u Kester is 180degree different. Zixin has also changed. she apologised for being ignorant abt the PJ and she is now ready to lead to grp once again, with fire and passion for the team and with real commitment from the tone of her voice during her challenge at the last nite.
but somehow i was scolded for leaving the team and abandon the team and stuffs lyk tat, ever since i left, i had been doing alot of 'behind the scene' work. you think stef would suddenly make her role so good for cg and wei song so hyped up for God once again? if i didnt talk to them, they wont realise and wont do anything. God did move in their hearts, but thru me as a vessel. however i was scolded for being tat silent vessel. nvm i don give a damn whether i m affirmed or noticed, as long as God sees it i'm fine with it.
this camp although didnt help me to meet God in a tangible manner but however it helped me to understand God in a different perspective and see people in a new way. even it is a bad camp, i learnt to love ppl and open up and be not so dao. LOL.
THE ROCKER SHREDS. has posted on
11:51 AM
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Saturday, December 08, 2007
today is a great day man!! i finally ended my work, FOREVER!!!!!!!!!! omg isnt this great? i finally don nid to receive the insults from those loser malaysians anymore!! YEAH!!! so happy. i m gonna get my pay on the 10th of Dec and i m gonna get my drums after camp. these few weeks has been tough but it is all worth it. actually i did learn and trained alot during these work periods. without those loser malaysians insults and critics, i guess this workplace would be very nice for me. hahahah.
tml would be camp, 9th to 12th. this camp as i had observed, is rather last min prepared by the camp com and i think alot of things have not been done up yet. but wadeva. i dun give a damn about the games or teaching or P&W or wadeva go wrong in the camp. all i hope is tat nothing goes wrong when i meet God. i seriously nid a refill in my tank from God man. to be honest, i dun think i m really doing kinda well. with all the negative influences around me, it is hard not to be stain. so i wanna be cleanse by God and be changed for good this camp. i had set my camp objectives and i pray that God would meet every single 1 of them. God i really wan a new life, this current 1 is really sinful and boring. give me a new goal, a direction for my path ahead of me. Lord all i want this camp is You. not the music, not the games, not the teachings, but You.
THE ROCKER SHREDS. has posted on
7:38 PM
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Sunday, December 02, 2007
WOOOOO this is so divine. God seriously have a plan. today is swee lee sale(some musical instrument sale)and i asked a brother to help me get a double pedal. when they came back from the sale, i took a glance at wad they bought. no double pedal.i was lyk sunken and sad. i suddenly couldnt focus and i was very annoyed. during worship i couldnt concentrate at all. i was thinking abt the pedal all along. den God spoke- cast all ur worries to me and concentrate on worshipping. so i calm myself down and forget about my pedal and jus worship God. after that i just forget the pedal already. if don have den nvm loh. den during dinner, some random guy called me,it was tat brother. he say he randomly bought 1 double pedal and asked me whether i want it. it is better than the 1 i wanted. but now he called me and say the church drummers maybe want it. so i dunno wad the verdict at the end. if i nvr get it, its ok:) i admit i m sad la definitely, but if God nid my pedal, den take it. at most i use my leg and kick loh. HAHAHAHA.
WORKING IS TOUGH. had to say this over and over again. it really sucks man. hahah. with all the insults the malaysians r hurling at me and the toughness of the work. on top of tat, u had to put on a wide smile to face the customers.it is really tough man. haizzzz... i kinda emo. i guess my chances of getting my pedals r lyk 10%?? hahaha. nvm God has a plan. even if i don get my pedal in the end, the whole incident is still divine.
THE ROCKER SHREDS. has posted on
12:44 AM
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